How to write a letter to The Herald
By Niall_Rags_Mackenzie | April 30, 2008
Being an argumentative pedant with too much time on my hands, I frequently write letters to my favourite corner of the Fourth Estate, the Glasgow Herald. Here is a quick guide on how you too can achieve the same thing.
1. Begin letter agreeing with previous correspondents argument
2. Next, point out an insignificant flaw basing this on an archaic, obscure fact
2. Assert their ignorance by re-iterating the same fact from a different source.
4. Finish correspondence with a smug flourish.
Example:
Whilst Jeff Hogglesworth thinks he is right, and I briefly entertained his arguments, what he fails to notice is that in fact only I, Niall G Mackenzie, am ever really right. This is because I am cleverer than him, as this obscure fact demonstrates.
Ner ner, ner ner ner,
N. Mackenzie
Easy!
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Topics: Guffaws | 2 Comments »
FAIL!
By partickbateman | April 22, 2008
My pal Kerry made this today and I wanted to share - may have already been done but what the hell, it made me chuckle. So here it is:
Have to admit to feeling some guilt over posting this: whilst Prescott does indeed fail at bulimia, when it comes to Southpaw jabs the man is all win. Doesn’t stop him being a total asshole though.
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Topics: Guffaws | 1 Comment »
Glasgow Bus FAIL
By partickbateman | April 11, 2008
I was reading about two buses crashing head on on Church St (just off Byres Rd) in Glasgow’s trendy west end, and couldn’t help responding:
God knows how the drivers managed to fail quite so spectacularly. It’s not a one way street, and despite cars parking on one side visibility is pretty good. Good enough to see a bus anyway. I can only believe that they were playing chicken, and the desire to be alpha-busman was too overwhelming for both of them.
If this wasn’t the case, I sincerely hope that at the very least one of them looked down the road, assessed the size of the gap and then thought “yeah, you could get a bus through there”…
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Wii Birthday
By partickbateman | April 11, 2008
Was my birthday yesterday and got some awesome presents, including a t shirt covered in robots and dinosaurs, a monkey mousemat, a book about tea and biscuits and also the new Wii edition of Mario Kart. Oh, and a nice chunk of change too. So, basically all the cornerstones of everything important to me. Having further celebrations in the office today with a Wii party, which allegedly is for my birthday but I think is really just an excuse to play Wii on the projector. It’s going to be an amazing afternoon - this is just a fraction of all the gaming stuff everyone’s brought in today.
Roll on the Wii-ness!
Update: Just had a quick lunchtime blast. Multiplayer on the projector is fantastic.
Rob “testing” Mario Galaxy
Four player Mario Kart = Fantastic.
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Topics: Office, wii | 1 Comment »
Pulp: The Cartoon
By partickbateman | March 20, 2008
Sometimes you see an idea that is so simple to execute but must have been a real eureka moment to think of. This is a case in point: some genius has made Common People as a cartoon.
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Madness.
By partickbateman | March 20, 2008
Recession, you say…
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Deathsweep: We have a winner! McNeil crowned King of Deathsweep 2008
By partickbateman | March 19, 2008
“Victory! Victory! They’ve all got a pint for me!”
~ Michael McNeil, Deathsweep winner 2008
It’s official: McNeil wins Deathsweep 2008. Despite some initial controversy thanks to my lax update efforts, Mikey confirmed that Mr. McNeil did indeed make a last minute substitution via Twitter.
Now King of the ‘Sweep, I’m proud to publish some leaked pictures of the moment our prescient hero proudly donned the Deathsweep crown:
I want to see some high scores here folks – McNeil may have taken the Round 1 prize, and is due his pints no less, but let’s make this really worth our while. There must be a grand prize. A prize to shame even the riches available to Bullseye winners.
But what’s it to be? A paypal account stuffed with £5 entry fees? A kitten? Suggestions in the comments please folks…
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Topics: Deathsweep 2008 | 1 Comment »
Deathsweep: “The long-odds runners are finishing first”
By partickbateman | March 19, 2008
It seems fate has conspired to make our seemingly well considered choices apparently lacking in imagination. The reaper has called on many illustrious souls this year, none of whom were even pondered in the sweep. Who’d have bet on Ledger’s shock exit? Unforeseeable based on the evidence available to us, but what a wild card that would have been.
Another great winner could have been Beadle. Reading the obits it seems his card was marked, but despite this no-one ventured the half-handed prankster would bite the dust just yet. Perhaps we all just couldn’t bring ourselves to tempt fate and send such a much loved figure from our childhoods to the pearly gates.
We nearly had one winner, with Willy’s nefarious scheme to bet on the oldest living people proving to be the winning strategy - if only it were executed correctly. We did indeed see the death of the oldest living person, but poor Deefy regrettably chose the wrong source to check his facts and named some young pup instead. Remember kids: Wikipedia sometimes lies. Sabotage by a Deathsweep participant perhaps? Only time will tell; but for now the sweep is still as alive and kicking as the hangers on named in it.
Front runner at present has to be Stitchy with Communist blowhard Fidel Castro announcing his retirement from dictatorship. With nothing to do but tend to his garden, browse the Racing Post and masturbate to the racy stories contained in the agony aunt pages of the Sunday Socialist (which also contains pictures of many stunners, all of whom are equally beautiful) it’s only a matter of time before he shuffles off for good.
BREAKING NEWS: WE HAVE A WINNER!
It seems McNeil made a last minute substitution on 30th Decembe, swapping Coltrane for Clarke. Still awaiting verification but once I have it he shall be named the victor…
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More mountain mishaps
By partickbateman | March 15, 2008
On the way back from Innerleithen after the first proper day out of the year. Overestimated my abilities once again and tried to jump a fairly large set of doubles. Bottled it halfway over, mucked up the airborne part and found my progress halted by a tree. Well, the bike did anyway. I continued through the air for a brief moment until gravity remembered I shouldn’t be and pulled me back down to earth. In a heap. On my head. The result? An achy brainpan, a twisted dropout and some wounded pride. No money to fix the bike either. Bawsicles.
Still a great day out though.
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“Is there a queue at Greggs?”
By partickbateman | March 13, 2008
Uttered by Feli in the pub last night, and the best version of the whole “does a bear shit in the woods”/”is the Pope catholic” obvious statement thing I’ve ever heard. Although “does a dog fart when you kick it” from Tara still deserves an honourable mention.
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