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John Smeaton: Jock Bauer
By 
partickbateman | July 2, 2007
As most people reading this are already no doubt aware, John Smeaton is a baggage handler who, along with some others, helped police tackle two terrorists in the recent attack on Glasgow Airport. Enjoying his cigarette break, he witnessed the Jeep crash into the terminal and acted promptly and selflessly to restrain the fanatics. For his valiant bravery, Smeaton (or Smeato as he has become known) has quickly become a national hero and already has a fansite devoted to him.
However, it’s not really his bravery that has endeared him to the public so much, but his utter lack of pretension (not to mention fantastic mannerisms). Being interviewed for national and world news, he uttered the following classic lines:
Asked what his first thoughts were after seeing the Jeep crash into the Terminal:
“What’s the score? I’ve got to get this sorted”
Interviewer: “What message do you have for the bombers?”
Smeato: “…This is Glasgow. We’ll just set about you.”
And my personal favourite, when asked by a CNN interviewer how the terrorists were restrained: “me n’ other folk were just tryin’ to get the boot in and some other guy banjoed him”
Fantastic. I wish I could do a find & replace on across the entire internets to swap the words “Chuck Norris” with “John Smeaton”. But I can’t, so I’ve written a little ditty in tribute:
To the tune of “Blitzkrieg Bop” by The Ramones
Hey ho, Smeato!
Hey ho, Smeato!
Smeato’s on a fag break
Mindin his own business
Here come two terrorists
They’re gonna get learnt
One tries to hit the polis
Smeato’s no havin’ it
Gets the numpty sorted
Boots his baws
Smea-to, let’s go
Kick ‘em in the cunt now
Shite terrorists, don’t they know
Glesga airport, belongs to Smeato
Hey ho, Smeato!
Hey ho, Smeato!
*last verse to be sung by Smeato himself*
Dinnae come tae Glesga -
We’ll just set about ye
Don’t care if you’re on fire
I’ll rip your jaw
When someone strings together a YouTube clip of all the interviews I’ll post it here. Until then, stay updated with the excellent John Smeaton Tribute Site.
UPDATE: Just heard a new, even better quote:
“I just gave him a good volley then a few other folk piled in and ragdolled him”
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July 3rd, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Haha! Most excellent young man!
July 4th, 2007 at 8:02 am
Hey mate. Nice. All you need now is to go and buy the Smeaton Tshirt, Smeaton Poster and Smeqaton costume and you’ll be sorted.
See you at the holiday inn for a pint with the great man.
August 4th, 2007 at 4:45 am
Belated applause for this!
October 25th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
top class!!
there is a Smeato Christmas song Called Put the boot in for Christmas at http://www.timetoevolvecomedy.com/podcasts.cfm