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Deathsweep 08: Today’s update
By 
partickbateman | December 11, 2007
Deathsweep 08 received more updates, saw more insults and witnessed bitter recriminations today in a furious flurry of Twitter based activity.
Ready to pop with frenzy, Twitter-powered Deathsweep is set to explode like a motherfucker in 2008 and now there’s nothing any of us can do to stop it. If you were trying to beat us, now’s the time to join us asshole: resistance is beyond futile. We’re even saving the planet - I’m happy to announce that after some temporally complex negotiations, Deathsweep ‘08 is powered by daisies pushed up by the very celebrities whose death we gamble our hard-fought reputations on. These future ghouls are so happy to remember what it’s like to be known they all want in on the act, so the more who enter our ranks the stronger Deathsweep becomes.
Things kicked off around 1pm UK time with international glamour star StitchBronson changing the questionable Olsen Twins to what could be odds on favourite to clinch the title: the surely soon to cark it Fidel Castro, the world’s most popular communist. But in a scary twist of fate, around 20 seconds later McNeil fired in with his own nominations - also including the mighty Castro! The inflatable beefcake McNeil immediately threw down the gauntlet, calling the Stitch a “motherfucker” before laying claim to Castro himself, adding “fjord boy” for good measure.
But there was only one fair way to settle this Scottish-Scandinavian beef: a tiebreaker! Both scurried off to discover when Castro signed the First Agrarian Reform act, but neither would return empty handed.
Unfortunately for McNeil, Stitchy finally showed what his legion of female fans love him for, his nimble digits googling said act and responding in less than two minutes. McNeil folllowed shortly after, but blinded by moonshine foolishly answered with June 2nd 1959 instead of the correct answer, May 17th. Result? Stitchy takes Castro!
Undeterred, McNeil asserted he had an even better replacement, but “unlike us little Johnny-choose-too-fasts” that this would not be announced on December 31st 2007. The Deathsweep community awaits his nomination with bated breath, for they will be joining these pallid luminaries:
McNeil Nominates:
- Michael Foot
- Robbie Coltrane
- Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts
- Kirk Douglas
In what would be his funniest joke of the year, were the community to believe he actually came up with it, Jennifer Love Hewitt was then renamed “Jennifer Loves Chewits” by Rags after posting a link to recent flabby beach pics. Things digressed sloghty before the ever urbane racontuer MayMikeyIsGuid retorted with his own list, coming in strong with “I reckon one of these bastards is due a dive”:
Mikey Nominates:
- Britney Spears
- Frank Carson
- Jimmy Carter
- Jimmy Hill
- Mohammad Al Fayed
It was then agreed almost unanimously that Thatcher and Hill dying in the same year would make 2008 a vintage year, were it not for your narrators England based Hill ambivalence and McNeil’s gag reflex-like insistence to be as controversial as possible, insisting she was the best PM since Churchill. And that he wanted to skullfuck her.
As of writing, things came to a close with a lame Barrymore joke and a link from the previously absent Deefball about a football joke I didn’t quite understand.
For now, I bid you farewell and am away to rest easy; for who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Topics: Deathsweep 2008 |
December 13th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Rather irked now that Kirk (dead man walking) Douglas has been snapped up by McNeil. Ah well, these guys are walking on thin ice.
1. Nancy Regan
2. Jane Russell
3. Peter O’Toole
4. Albert Finney
5. Jerry Lee Lewis
December 13th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Ooh, some good ones there. Can’t be long until the dust is bitten by that old soak O’Toole. The law of dying shortly after partners also makes Reagan a hot contender. And I thought Jerry Lee Lewis was dead already.
Deathsweep hots up! Woop woop!