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Deathsweep 08: Update #2
By 
partickbateman | December 13, 2007
Deathsweep ‘97 runner up Biggie Smalls
After being too lazy to update yesterday, it’s about time our glorious sweepstake was officially brought up to speed.
Since the last post we’ve seen some shocking Twitter admissions, with Willy/deefball professing a love for Enya, that Stitchy stuck out school long enough to do an RPR and finally the revelation that McNeil would have made the best WW1 officer. Even worse, your genial host has been the victim of identity theft, with someone using my sacred moniker to talk football nonsense on the BBC forums. It burns.
But far more importantly there have been numerous updates with some real doozies. Wilks just missed the last update Twittering just as I sat down to a pint, and new competitors Sherrie/HM, George and Kerry have also entered the fray (apologies go out to Sherrie who I forgot to mention the Deathsweep to until last night due to a fear of getting told off for blogging about useless bollocks when I should be sweeping the cat or somesuch). The competition is really hotting up now ladies and gents - the stakes are raised, so anyone yet to join better get their skates on or the only sleb left will be computer engineered test-tube-cute experiment Jonathan Lipnicki, otherwise known in casa del Richie as “that spiky haired whore”:
Anyway, the nominations are, in chronological order*
Wilks nominates:
- Owen Wilson
- Gary Coleman
- Elizabeth Taylor
- George H.W. Bush
- Lewis Hamilton
(By the way, if anyone’s in the market for a new motor, Wilks has a lovely Alfa for sale, priced according to “how much you got”.)
George nominates:
- Norman Wisdom. (dies as a direct result of replicating that “trip over your own legs” thing that he always does, but this time, he ends up crushing his fifth vertebrae down some concrete steps.)
Elizabeth Taylor. (dies as a result of the Joker’s “Smilex” plan actually being put into operation.)UPDATE: I’ve just realised Wilks already had this one. Duh! George, you’ll have to choose another victim.- Ronnie Biggs. (funny if he dies on a train, but more likely in D-Wing.)
- Warren Buffet. (this sub-prime mortgages thing isn’t getting any easier.)
- Clint Eastwood. (as the doctor goes to try and shock him to bring the Clint back to life, he’s bound to say “Do you feel lucky punk?”)
George also gets extra deathsweep-kudos for including manner of death. What the hell, I’ll even throw in a shitty emoticon. 8-D
Kerry nominates:
- Ariel Sharon
- Richard Hammond
- Janice Dickenson (that bitch is crazy)
- Tony Bennet
- Neil Diamond
It should also be noted that Kerry tried to nominate the dramatic chipmunk and Chinese River Dolphins, but these were excluded for being either unverifiable, non celebrities or a host of other reasons (see previous post comments for specifics). Besides which, Ariel Sharon is such a hot contender there’s no need for another four. But will he make it to the end of 2007? I have a feeling we may see him shuffle off the kibbutz twixt xmas and new year…
Finally, last but not least we have clownhands herself, Sherrie. Howlin’ Mad she may be - but her choices aren’t:
Sherrie nominates:
- Nancy Reagan
- Jane Russell
- Peter O’Toole
- Albert Finney
- Jerry Lee Lewis
O’Toole has got to be a shoe-in. He’s been in a Harry Potter movie playing some old fogey, so the Reaper’s bound to come a-knocking fairly shortly.
That’s it for now folks. Willy, if you don’t get a proper list sorted soon we’ll come or your enya collection. In the meantime I’m off to sob over choosing my Sweepers so damn hastily.
*this is important as entrants are now finding their first choice taken. Like I said, any assholes not participating need to get in quick!
Topics: Deathsweep 2008 |
December 14th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
I do have “a proper list” you deathsweep nazi, but I’ll do a new list as I know I’ll never get a pint off you bampots if any of my folk cark it. However, I am keeping Edna Parker as she is the oldest person alive and therefore MUST be considered a celeb.
My 4 new nominees will be in by 31st Dec. I might just put Dan Deacon on the list then stab him at 00.01 at Optimo.
December 14th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Was so bummed out I missed my chance to add these folks onto my list http://www.channel4.com/video/the-end-of-the-world-cult/series-1/episode-1/cult-following_p_1.html (was already published by then). In case you missed it, they thought the end of the world was going to be on Oct 31, 2007. Now they think it’ll be Dec 15th, 2007. Either way, let’s hope they eat some applesauce.
December 21st, 2007 at 11:12 am
“Why did you stab the performer Mr Robertson?”
“I wanted to win a pint off each of my friends for Deathsweep 2008″
“I see. Send him down.”
December 30th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Keep it shut Rags Pasquale!
No court in the land would convict me.